Let me just say that I have come to some conclusions. I realized I am using excuses and blaming others for the fact that I don't want (or I'm too afraid) to meet people. I'm sure there are others who are in my situation and still manage to go on dates, fall in love, get married. I used to think I would have been happier if I'd stayed, but when I was there I wanted to be home. Sometimes I was happy, but even when I was really happy I still thought about going home. If I was supposed to be there, I would not have thought about going home during those times and probably not that much at other times because when I was not with him, I would be thinking about being with him, not being home, but I thought about being home almost as much as I thought about being with him. My point is that if I was supposed to be with him, I would have stayed. Another realization? If he cared for me as much as I cared for him, he would have shown that and not let me leave, or at least asked me to stay. He didn't. I never got the feeling that he loved me. I don't think it was meant to be. I think I still feel strongly because I haven't let myself feel those feelings with anyone else, but I don't think he was the one.

I still don't think I'm ready. I don't mind being introverted, but I wish I could go places without feeling like people are staring at me or that I am in an enclosed place. Maybe in time, I will take steps, but that time has not yet come.