I'm trying not to be selfish. I know I should be happy for mom. I just miss things the way they were. Whenever mom went to visit Dena she would always ask if I wanted to come. This time she is just going w/ Wendy to celebrate Valentine's day. Also, part of the reason I went places w/ her is cause dad never wanted to go, but Wendy always wants to go places w/ her now so I'm not going anymore. Also, it wouldn't be so bad if I knew I could just go places w/ Lucy, but she can never get ready so now I have to just go by myself. I do that sometimes anyway (like go to the movies by myself) but now it's even worse.

The truth is, I wish I did have a bf or at least a good friend that lived close who could go places w/ me all the time. I only have 2 friends that would and they live kind of far away and I get nervous about driving too far. I just always had to do things by myself when I was in school and I got sick of it and now it's the same thing. I wish Lucy could get ready quicker and go w/ me places. I know it's not her fault, but it is frustrating. Also, I would eventually like a bf, but what am I supposed to say? 'Hi, I share a mobile home with my neurologically disabled sister and we're both currently on SSI , will you go out w/ me?' Doesn't exactly sound very inviting.

Frankly, I need to get away. I don't know where. I think maybe something like taking a class at the community college or adult school could help. I just feel so cooped up here. I need a change of pace. I don't think I could handle a job, but there are other things I could do. You know that song "Break Away" from Kelly Clarkson? That is how I feel. I love that song btw.

I thought about joining some clubs, but there doesn't seem to be many around here. I hope I can figure something out cause I really can't stand things anymore.

I guess that's all for now, bye.