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Marriage is love.

DISCLAIMER, PLEASE READ!

My new fave song, depression and regret
09-03-05 - 6:28 a.m.

I am listening to "Call Me Call Me" from one of the Cowboy Bebop soundtracks (disk 3). Lucy bought it and let me copy it. I have the whole st, but I'm only listening to this song. It is my current favorite song. It moves me. I am feeling depressed again. I don't really know what to do. I am filled with so much regret. It is a terrible place to be. I want to meet people, but I'm afraid. I don't know what to say. I should go to bed, but I have to take a shower. I was happy one time in my life. Well maybe 2 times, but not as happy the second time. The second thing will happen again, but the first thing may never happen again and that's when I was truly happy. I forgot for a while about the dark shadow that had surrounded me for so long. It was gone. With the 2nd thing it's partly gone, but not all of it. It may not have been all gone the first time, but more of it was. I don't care if noone knows what I'm talking about. Sometimes I wish I could think more about myself. I know that is selfish, but maybe I would be happier. I never realize how much I'll have to sacrifice. I never would think about just me. I think selfish things and I wish I didn't, but I would never be that way.

The chorus to "Call Me Call Me":

'Please won't you call and ease my mind?
Reasons for me to find you, peace of mind.
What can I do, to get me to you?'

Maybe I know who I think about when I hear it, maybe I don't. I'm not sure. Maybe it's someone I've met, maybe it's someone I will meet, or wish I would meet...

yesterday - tomorrow