Feeling: stressed

Thinking: god, I can't wait till I get my tax money!

I made a bunch of mistakes this month that I don't want to get into, but now I am struggling to make it till the end of the month. I have $2.38 in the bank right now. Two good things: first of all, we have food and stuff to get by, until I have more money (at least, I hope we do); second, I should be getting my money by next Wednesday (very hopefully).

The sucky thing is that when I say we have food, what I mean is we have a couple of boxes of mac and cheese, some pancake mix, peanut butter, prunes, and some milk. That's it, but I suppose it's not bad. We do have all the food groups (if you count peanut butter as protein).

Ok, I really don't want to just talk about my money problems. As usual, this is going to be a long entry...

I haven't been on the comp. for a while, partly because Lucy was doing stuff on here and partly because I just didn't feel like going on. However, I realized that I need to get back to things and catch up, so here I am.

I am reading Tommy's Tale again. I'm so happy to be spending time with the characters once again. I am reading it a lot faster this time. I'm already up to page 80 and I thik by this time before I would have been at like page 60. It helps that I know what to expect, so I don't have to keep re-reading something so that I understand it better.

I was thinking about Tommy. I know I said I relate to him. There are several people who I feel would get me/would have gotten me.

In this this reality, those people are: Alan (Cumming), the director of Donnie Darko and Franz Kafka (hence the would have gotten me, since he's obviously passed away). In alternate realities (books, movies, etc.), those people are: Tommy, Donnie Darko.

The reason I listed both the creator and characters for DD and TT is because for both those things there is one specific character that I feel would get me if I could know them and so I listed them. I listed the creators because they obviously know and understand the characters, so therefore, if the characters would get me, the creators of those characters probably would too. With FK, there is no specific character, it is just the overall way that his books are, although the poor guy in "Metamorphosis" ranks up there for why I listed him.

Ok, now for the reason I listed these people and that I can't really explain. Excuse me for being cryptic, but really it is just something about the way these people are.

Well, with FK, it's the whole heavy thing that I have. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed (although I definitely have been), but I have this kind of weight on me that just makes me I don't know, like just that things are always a little hazy, I am using all of these terms (hazy, heavy, weight) figuratively of course. I can't really explain it. If you have this, you'll understand, if not, you probably won't.

Anyway, I get this feeling from Kafka's stories that he felt this way. Again, not really depressed like most people think, but just out of sorts I guess, not really in tune with the world.

That's it, not in tune with the world and the flow of things. That's what all the people have in common and what they have in common with me. I guess everyone feels out of sorts sometimes, but there is something about the way that I am specifically that I think these people would understand and that I see in some of them.

Tommy was talking about depression and I could definitely relate to that too. I hate being that way, but he (and obviously Alan) really understands it.

It's also the way they think about things, that sort of thing.

Yeah, I am probably not making any sense. I don't even know why I'm trying to explain this. Bottom line, I get all those people and I really think they'd get me.

On to another subject...

Atlantis has definitely gotten better. The last ep. was so cool. Teal'c was on there! He was there to help Ronon because he was going to have to talk about his role in Atlantis and the SGC was going to decide if he should stay on the team. Ronon resented Teal'c being there, but then they had to work together to fight the Wraith and Ronon realized that Teal'c was just trying to help. Teal'c (and the relevent people in the SGC) also learned that Ronon is definitely a fitting member for the Atlantis team.

The Next episode is the one where Carson comes back!! OMG, I am kind of nervous because I don't know what to expect, or how he's going to come back, but it's supposed to actually be him. I am looking forward to seeing him again.

Season 1 of Flash is over. The People of Mongo fought Ming and defeated him. They caught him, however before they did, there was one Canton (Mongo's word for the groups/societies therein.) who decided to help Ming (Obviously there is at least one Canton that is bad). The leader gave him this talisman to protect him. Terek became the leader of Ming, along with his sister Aura. They captured Ming and were going to put him to death (Aura didn't want to do it, but Terek convinced her that Ming needed to die). They put him in this booth that was going to emit toxic gas and kill him. He was in the booth and the gas started up, but when it was filled, they looked into it and Ming was gone. Apparently the talisman protected him and helped him escape. So now Ming is loose on Mongo and who knows what trouble he is going to cause.

I was reading a comment from one of the people who worked on the show (I can't remember who it was exactly) and they said they aren't even considering there won't be a second season. I sure hope that's true.

Let's see lots more to talk about.

The Thursday before last, Lucy and I went to a James Blunt concert. It was for VH1's "You Oughta Know", although James has been around for a while, so it's weird that he was in that category. I guess some people still need to know him. The opening act was Sarah Bareilles. I like her, but not as much as James.

Lucy said that James' music is as good as the Beatle's. It is excellent music, but I still don't agree that it is as good as the Beatle's music. However, I think he could give them a run for their money regarding some of their solo work.

We were up kind of high, but we had center seats, so that was cool. We had a great time of course. James sang Wisemen which is my favorite song of his. It is permanently on my mix stick. I was so happy. He sang it at the B2B concert too because it's on that album.

So yeah, that was a good time.

I have recently started watching two news shows. One is Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. The other one is Eli Stone. I have been watching both since they first aired. Johnny Lee Miller is on Eli Stone. I like him because he played Woodrow Call in Larry McMurtry's Dead Man's Walk (I love the Lonesome Dove movies, even though I didn't list them on my DL profile, I had to keep that to my main faves, otherwise it would be wayyy to long). Summer Glau is on SCC. I like her because she played River in Firefly and Serenity.

I think both shows are very cool and I like them both for different reasons.

Finally, I tend to say things that I don't mean. That is, I mean what I say, but the way that I say it, it sounds like I mean something else.

I had a dream that I was holding Ambrose's hand. It made me think of the answer I put on that My Space quiz for the question "who was the last person you held hands with?" I said I'm not really a holding hands kind of person, but that's not really true. I mean that sounds like I don't even like to hold hands. I do. What I meant is that I'm more likely to put my arm around someone's shoulder, or rub their back, or put my hand in their pocket, but I like to hold hands too, and certainly if someone holds my hand, I enjoy it. Also, it's not just for romance, of course, friends can hold hands too.

After I posted that comment, I started seeing all these things where people were holding hands and I realized I wanted to change my answer so it didn't sound like I didn't like hand holding.

Anyway, I ended up remembering who I held hands with last, so I changed the answer accordingly.

Ok, it feels good to catch up.

I guess that's it for now (I know thanks goodness, cause it was a lot, eh?)